Regular readers will know that there is no better site on the web for your football news and analysis, but I have to admit I’ve not been covering the Wayne Rooney scandal. It seems that the spud-faced nipper has been thinking of leaving Man Utd and joining its historic rival Man City. This has resulted in a death threat being scrawled across a Rooney billboard (‘Join City and you’re dead’) and police had to be called to a crowd of Man U fans causing a disturbance outside Rooney’s house. There’s so much to say about all this, but ultimately I cannot match the analysis of the Daily Mash:
MANCHESTER is to build a gigantic bowling alley after it emerged that 30 local men had nothing better to do on a Thursday night than go to a footballer’s house and threaten to kill him.
As a crowd of men in balaclavas gathered outside the home of the footballer who might go and play for another team, civic leaders said Jesus Christ, this place is so incredibly fucked up.
Bill McKay, a Labour councillor from Ardwick, said: ‘If we had a really big bowling alley that also had arcade games and maybe a Pizza Hut franchise then that would hopefully be enough to distract them from threatening to kill footballers who want to play for another team.
But Stretford-based social worker Julian Cook warned that the death threats were no longer confined to footballers who may or may not have expressed a preference to stop playing for one team and start playing for another one.
He added: ‘In the last six months I have seen men in Eric Cantona masks threaten to kill lollipop ladies, dogs without collars, post boxes and random pieces of litter. I think what we really need here is a second Laser Quest and maybe a TGI Fridays.’