The Talented Mr Guppy

You may or may not have seen Darius Guppy’s psalm of praise to the Iranian theocracy that graced last week’s Independent. There’s reaction from Harry’s Place, Azarmehr and the Torygraph.

The article itself goes pretty much how you’d expect. While Broken Britain sinks into its own filth, the glorious Islamic Republic marches towards its destiny of ‘what Huntingdon refers to as a ‘core state’ around which other nations that cherish freedom can coalesce.’ Ahmadinejad won fair and square, and deserved to. The stuff about Israel was all a big misunderstanding. The protestors were all poncey intellectual North Tehrani kids: rest assured the workers love El Presidente. (Why do we never hear from the workers, by the way?) At the end of the day, in ‘the Muslim world, democracy sides with the dictators.’ (Really?)

Here are a couple of representative paragraphs from Guppy’s piece:

The events in Iran of the past 30 years must be seen for what they really are, not a revolution at all, but a counter revolution; not a negation of a nation’s grand past as occurred in France or Russia or China, but an affirmation of it; a realisation that the experiment you call the Enlightenment, or secular liberalism, far from being the triumph of your comfortable certainties, has been the opposite – a bringing low of all that once made Europe great.

The planet has been brought to its knees by bourgeois greed. Scientists increasingly consider us to be in the midst of a ‘mass extinction event’, similar to that which gripped the world when a giant meteorite slammed into the Gulf of Mexico and extinguished the dinosaurs. Vast and increasing discrepancies in wealth cause massive social unrest that can but accelerate the apocalypse. Meanwhile, the value of your cultural output is zero, and in the West the family has all but disappeared.

Guppy reminds me of one of those rich businessmen who relocates to Dubai or Saudi Arabia. They sit in their gated expatriate communities, waited on by exploited migrant workers, raving about the quality of the golf and how you can leave the Beamer unlocked ‘because they chop the hands off here, you know.’ I think we’ll see more apologists for the Islamic Republic coming from the right (as well as a predictable section of the left) because, in a way, it’s a paradise for the average golf-club bore, never mind a Bullingdon fraudster. No wonder the pioneering Tory nepotist Derek Conway signed up for Press TV. (As David T said: ‘Derek Conway takes money from a regime that would hang his son.’)

Think about it. The women do as they are told – no binge-drinking ladettes here. Trade unionists are tortured and murdered. Gays get a choice between the rope and the operating table. There’s no disorder, overindulgence, disrespect or any of the worrying trends that emerge when people have relative freedom. I don’t know if you can get the Daily Mail on the same day as you’d get it here but, apart from that, theocracy is ideal for the whining British conservative.

I wonder if Guppy would be so sanguine if he were not the pampered expat that he is but one of the Iranian working class people whom Iran’s ‘president’ claims to speak for. As Azarmehr says:

Guppy may be bitter about Britain and how his high position friends didn’t manage to save him from prison but he should throw his hat up in the air that he was not jailed in Iran. May be one day he will be though, despots quickly turn on their cronies too when their sell by date passes.


‘…and Darius has somehow run himself over.’


One Response to “The Talented Mr Guppy”

  1. Richard T Says:

    Bearing in mind Darius Guppy’s record, with his new islamic friends, he’s very lucky to have kept his right hand. I’m not sure what the sharia punishment for hypocrisy is but he well deserves it.

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